As women, truly emotional experiences get stamped into our forever. I’m not talking about a spat with your spouse, though we do have some of those “defining moments” to our relationships. I’m talking about the real and the raw. Love. Your first kiss, your first love, when you fell in love with your (now) spouse. And loss. The loss of a great love, or the death of someone you deeply love. I’ve got a few of these, and they stay with me. And when I really think back to those experiences etched in my mind…I’ve found that I remember exactly what I was wearing in the moments that my life profoundly changed…

 

The latest for me was 2 years ago – my mother’s funeral. This was one of the toughest and easiest decisions of my life. I heard my mother telling me not to overdress (because she always thought I was), but I was entering one of the most creative and stylish parts of my life. And in those moments of grief, I felt empowered. She raised me to be strong and independent, and to hold strong in my convictions. So, I thought, no time like the present. I had the perfect little black dress by Kate Spade and matching pointy-toed flats with a gold kitten heel. My look was classic and chic, I felt comfortable and strong (mentally), and I think she’d of liked it, too.

 

Today is the 2 year anniversary of losing her. She battled and battled. All of us. All of the cancer. The cancer because she was a fighter, and us because (I think) she had to protect herself and her loved ones. She didn’t want it to consume our lives as it had hers. It was her way of loving. And while it took me a long while to get to this understanding, I’m there now.

 

In her memory today, we did a balloon release. We dressed up (of course), got the biggest pink and white balloons we could find, and headed to the beach to honor her. Hattie was only 2 when she passed, so we talk about “grammy” when storms roll through. She’s up there playing the drums for us, we say. And balloon releases so that we can keep her alive in our family. And as we let go of the last white balloon Hattie said, here comes the last one grammy. Make sure you catch it.

 

Love you, mom. Did you notice my Ripley Rader caftan? I wore it just for you…